Maria's Sunday: June 22, 2008

Hey True Story of Sunday Reader,

This was quite the Sunday! I was out there saving the earth, meeting new friends, and doing stand up.

I am a co-host of the Energy Smackdown, a reality TV show that challenges families to reduce their carbon footprint. Throughout the course of the show, we have "challenges". This past Sunday was the "Smart Transit Challenge" and we got some press.

We started in Davis Square. Three teams: Medford, Arlington and Cambridge were set to travel a course of 5 checkpoints using alternative methods of transportation. They could carpool, bike, walk, take public transportation. After John Herman and I welcomed them to the challenge, I told them "Get out of here and travel smart!" And they were off.

***On a side note, John Herman introduced me to the practice of mobile twittering, which he touts as a great tool to let everyone know what you are up to. So I did. Now everyone knows what I'm doing at all times. So if my sisters are reading this, and they're like, 'Maria I never know what you are doing, you never ever call me,' then know that if you are on twitter, you will always know what I am doing.***

I spent some time at Medford City Hall waiting for the teams to pass through, and made friends with Medford City Representative Carl Sciortino, Jr. He is young, smart, and political. Vote for him, Medford! Also I met Pem, short for Pemberton, which was his mother's maiden name. I don't know Pem's last name, only that he's good people.

By the end of the day we all assembles back in Davis Square and enjoyed the banjo melody goodness of Chris Merenda. Hoo-wee! people, he sounds good! Even the homeless hung out with us and were in a good mood, partaking in our table of goldfish and pretzel and juice refreshments.

I entertained the crowd, honing my crowdwork skills on 8 year olds with questions like "So, anyone have a pet?", "What sports do you play?", and "Who has a special talent? Who?" I got karate chopped, and there was also an opera whistler who did a beautiful version of "We Are The Champions".

Arlington won the Smart Transit Challenge, using the least amount of carbon per person per mile. Basically they biked a lot. Cambridge was none too happy about this! Medford did a great job carpooling. Baby steps is what Medford says.

Love,
Maria

Maria's Sunday, May 25, 2008

I woke up in a hotel room on Route 1 with the bride-to-be in bed with me!

And that is the elevator pitch for my new romantic comedy destined to be the shittiest made for TV movie on Lifetime.

My friend Mitzi didn't want to be alone the night before her wedding. So she invited me to stay over.

I was like, "Really? This is the last night of your life you will ever be able to be alone? And you don't want to be? This is your LAST CHANCE EVER for ONE peaceful night. And you don't want it?"

I like to speak in extremes and toy with the fragile emotions of soon to be married people.

So we woke up, and I started in with an impromptu song called "wedding day". Here it is:

Wedding day
the day you get wedded
you're gonna get hitched
you'll look hot in ya dress
wedding day, bitch.

It sounded nice sung in my morning voice. I don't think Mitzi loved it.

It was 7 am, the wedding wasn't until 1:30, but Mitzi was all business and she kicked my ass out of bed. A milli-nanosecond later, the bed was fully made and her wedding dress, veil, shoes, and ring pillow were neatly set on the bed.

She had lots of bridey stuff to do, so I went downstairs to the gym, then to breakfast.

Mitzi found me and put me to work. I carried messages between her room and the groom's room, where my man Justin was. (Justin was the best man.)

I said things like "The photographer will be here at 11:30. You have to be ready then. Your limo will be here at 12. You have to leave then. Your wife-to-be is going to look wicked hot in her dress. Are you ready for this? Are you? YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED BUB. GET YOURSELF READY."

The boys were more nervous than the girls. By mistake, Justin got a tux for a fat man and needed safety pins. None of them knew how boutonnieres should look, and they didn't know the schedule. Total bitch-boys.

Then we all left for the wedding and they got married. I did a reading where I talked about "if I don't have love, I'm nothing".

Then we went to a Mansion in Ipswich, MA by Crane's beach that was effing amazing, see?


Then we ate and drank and danced and ate more. Justin did a speech, which was delightful. I have never heard my husband make a speech. Just delightful. He does not have a career as an orator.

Then I realized there was no way I was making my 7 pm show. I felt awful about canceling a show, but what can you do? Leave a wedding at a mansion, when you had slept with the bride just the night before? No. You stick it out. You eat more cake. Then you pass out.